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Post by willien on Jul 13, 2023 20:19:42 GMT
On reflection I'd be tempted to invite to come and explain to the group why he thinks his book is funny S If it was going to be all "us guys together" getting in touch with our pre-civilised youth, fine. But, that assumes "she" is not "worried". |
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Post by zou on Jul 13, 2023 20:22:20 GMT
I certainly hope any men in the group make it clear that the author doesn't sound like a stereotypical male; more rather a thuggish outlier with whom they share no misogyny.
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neilt3
Full Member
https://www.flickr.com/photos/neilt3/
Posts: 134
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Post by neilt3 on Jul 13, 2023 20:45:37 GMT
Personally , I'd speak my mind about the book in that it has no literary value and shouldn't even be in print .
Why it should be put forward for a book club , I don't know .
It's certainly possible it's a cry for help , and she really does need someone to talk too .
Perhaps take the opportunity to ask if everything's O.K ?
I can't imagine she supports what her husband has written , regardless of if he thinks what's written is acceptable or was meant in jest .
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Post by geoffr on Jul 13, 2023 21:31:17 GMT
Let rip on it and ban the publisher from submitting any other books for review. Publishers rarely submit books to individual book clubs. We chose our books on members recommendations. I suspect that is what has happened in this case. Maybe Kath can tell us if the author’s wife suggested the book. |
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Post by JohnY on Jul 13, 2023 21:33:06 GMT
I would be polite (i.e not use bad aggressive language) but as blunt as only someone from Yorkshire and 'on the spectrum' can be.
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Post by willien on Jul 13, 2023 21:44:28 GMT
I would be polite (i.e not use bad aggressive language) but as blunt as only someone from Yorkshire and 'on the spectrum' can be. Ooh 'ekk, Ae By gum.
You have probably never been the victim of domestic abuse.
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Post by JohnY on Jul 13, 2023 21:56:46 GMT
I would be polite (i.e not use bad aggressive language) but as blunt as only someone from Yorkshire and 'on the spectrum' can be. Ooh 'ekk, Ae By gum.
You have probably never been the victim of domestic abuse.
I would be impossible to live with. No problem. No domestic abuse in either direction. I get enough social contact on my terms. i.e. not too close. You do realise that "Ooh 'ekk, Ae By gum." in this context is an insulting stereotype.
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Post by gezza on Jul 13, 2023 22:35:23 GMT
Thoughtfulness…… it’s a wonderful thing
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Post by mick on Jul 14, 2023 7:58:15 GMT
Bearing in mind the potential vulnerability of the members I’d try to have the book withdrawn.
Then an appropriate person explain to wife. It may be better for her to hear in private than hear the book getting trashed in public.
Sorry for brevity- on my phone.
Mick
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Post by dreampolice on Jul 14, 2023 8:04:26 GMT
On reflection I'd be tempted to invite to come and explain to the group why he thinks his book is funny S Good one. |
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Post by kate on Jul 14, 2023 8:08:04 GMT
Bearing in mind the potential vulnerability of the members I’d try to have the book withdrawn. Then an appropriate person explain to wife. It may be better for her to hear in private than hear the book getting trashed in public. Sorry for brevity- on my phone. Mick The thing is, she might be longing for the book to be trashed. It does no-one any favours by looking the other way. |
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Post by Kath on Jul 14, 2023 11:10:58 GMT
I don't know who put the book up for consideration. I have a feeling that a few copies were donated to the Bothy by the author for sale at a local fundraiser and as there some left it was added on as an extra because the book we are supposed to be concentrating on wasn't that long. The chap is a bit of a local stalwart although I've never seen him at the Bothy he may well also be a member. I have seen him at the local Community Hub which is a different organisation but one which the Bothy often collaborates with so it's possible that the books came from that direction. I don't think his wife suggested it as reading material.
Part of my day job at UHI is dealing with disclosures of Gender Based Violence and I'm also on the Safeguarding team. I worry that I'm starting to see GBV or the threat of it everywhere I go. I have no evidence to suggest that she suffers anything from her husband at all. He may just be working under the misapprehension that this stuff is funny and would in fact, never hurt a fly. He may be using coercive control or physical violence to keep his wife where he wants her. I don't know. What I don't want to do is create an atmosphere in the Bothy where she (or anyone else) starts to feel that she can't approach someone for help if she needs it. I asked what you'd all do to sense check whether I was just being overly aware of GBV and the impact of language, or if in fact I was right to feel this way. I think you've all pretty much confirmed that the words written are not acceptable and I thank you for that.
I have decided that whoever is at the Bothy Book Club when it comes round (last Tuesday of the month), I will listen to the responses from others first and take it from there. If asked, I'm going to say that I found some elements of it problematic and explain about the work I do at the college, that I'm a first repsonder for disclosures of Gender Based Violence etc and that jokes and phrases like these are often cited to us by survivors of abuse as the kind of thing they were told they were being too sensitive about. I may take some of the examples and discuss how they could have been written, and still (actuallly) be funny without resorting to the kind of thing I've felt so upset about. I will also be going along this afternoon with some resources to put up on the noticeboard re. organisations that can help survivors of abuse, whether it be phsycial, emotional, coercive control etc. so that they are more visible if this lady, or anyone else for htat matter, feels the need.
Thanks everyone.
Kath
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Post by dreampolice on Jul 14, 2023 11:11:16 GMT
I’ve just read this post to my wife. Most of her comments are not suitable for posting here. One thing she said is that he should be invited for feedback. Everything else was fairly rude about him.
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Post by willien on Jul 14, 2023 11:16:21 GMT
Ooh 'ekk, Ae By gum.
You have probably never been the victim of domestic abuse.
I would be impossible to live with. No problem. No domestic abuse in either direction. I get enough social contact on my terms. i.e. not too close. You do realise that "Ooh 'ekk, Ae By gum." in this context is an insulting stereotype.
Sole reason for using it.  |
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Post by Kath on Jul 14, 2023 11:52:09 GMT
Let rip on it and ban the publisher from submitting any other books for review. Publishers rarely submit books to individual book clubs. We chose our books on members recommendations. I suspect that is what has happened in this case. Maybe Kath can tell us if the author’s wife suggested the book. Actually because we are a charity we do sometimes get books submitted to us...free books in return for a review kind of thing. But not in this case. I am starting to wonder if the 'publisher' is a vehicle for vanity productions which makes more sense than a commercial publisher agreeing to set this loose on the public. |
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