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Post by John Farrell on Dec 25, 2022 22:18:14 GMT
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Post by willien on Dec 25, 2022 22:36:08 GMT
A man walked into a bar.
He said **** that hurt.
It was an iron bar.
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Post by John Farrell on Dec 26, 2022 0:44:09 GMT
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Post by John Farrell on Dec 27, 2022 6:51:09 GMT
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Post by timheath on Dec 27, 2022 8:21:39 GMT
A Priest is driving down a country road when he comes across a pig lying dead in the road.
He contacts the police to inform them of his find.
The cocky desk sergeant laughed and said "Did you give it the last rites?"
"No" said the priest, "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first"
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Post by timheath on Dec 27, 2022 8:23:49 GMT
Confucius he say,
"Man who confuse viagra pill with laxative - crap in bed".
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Post by zou on Dec 27, 2022 11:43:08 GMT
Me What have you done, doctor?
Doctor: I'm afraid we had to remove your colon.
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Post by willien on Dec 28, 2022 18:26:44 GMT
Whoever thinks Tech. will replace paper has never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad.
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Post by Chester PB on Dec 28, 2022 22:30:46 GMT
What do you call a man with 5 rabbits up his bum? Warren. Is the precise number important? Just curious. |
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Post by willien on Dec 28, 2022 23:12:41 GMT
It is not remotely important. It just works better than if you ask "What do you call a man with a randomly unspecified number of..."
Pick yer ain number if you share.
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Post by MJB on Dec 29, 2022 17:39:37 GMT
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Post by willien on Dec 29, 2022 18:24:25 GMT
Brits abroad.
Kevin on his first Spanish holiday goes into a local restaurant and asks what is the most typically Spanish dish on the menu.
The waiter, after a brief moment of hesitation, says Cojones. Definitely the (or possibly even zee) most Spanish thing on the menu.
Kevin delighted when the large and delicious plate arrives and is very impressed.
He enjoyed it so much he went back and ordered the same dish the next night.
Imagine his dissapointment when this measly dish of two little round girstly bits arrived.
Feeling he was being ripped off he called tha waiter back and remonstrated with him.
Having listened to the diatribe patiently the waiter put an arm round Kevin's shoulders and gently explained.
"Senor...sometimes the Bull wins".
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Post by Chester PB on Dec 29, 2022 22:29:10 GMT
A man walked into a bar. He said **** that hurt. It was an iron bar. I posted the original Tommy Cooper version of this on the AP Forum a while ago - it's probably the first joke I heard on a TV programme that I recall laughing at when my parents didn't. A few years later the same thing happened when Dave Allen told his wonderful joke about the sadist and the masochist meeting in a bar... Man walks into a bar. Says 'Ouch!' Iron bar. |
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Post by willien on Dec 29, 2022 22:33:18 GMT
I thought the masochist said.
Are you going to hurt me...
and the sadist leered and said...No
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Post by dreampolice on Dec 29, 2022 23:03:49 GMT
This morning I coughed up 3 pawns, a Knight and a Bishop. I think I have a chess infection.
Sad news, the inventor of the protractor has passed away.
He's with the angles now...
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