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Post by Kath on Nov 2, 2024 10:23:34 GMT
This is probably a sign that I'm getting old, but I'm very confused about this.
Back in the day if someone died, there'd be a notice in the local paper with funeral arrangements. Everyone scanned the hatches/matches/dispatches section of the paper before retreating to the sport or the puzzles depending on preference. I don't think people do this much any more. In our local paper there are currently three death notices for the last month and I know for a fact that there are at the very least, two more deaths than that because I'm trying to find find out the funeral arrangements.
I don't know either of the people terribly well, but one was an unmarried, childless, parentless student at the college where I work. I wouldn't know where to start finding out the details for her funeral but we are all agreed that as she was one of the first students to attend the college when it opened in Helensburgh and was still enrolled on a course with us now, we should send a representative. As to where and when...?!
The second is if anything even trickier. A friend's father has died. She's not a close friend, although once I thought she was. But we've kept in touch and every so often do that 'Oh we must get a catch up and a coffee sometime' thing that we both know we have no intention of doing. Or if we have intention, we are realistic enough to understand that it probably won't happen. But none of the circle of friends she is close to has lost a parent yet and I remember how lonely that felt and want to show her some support. I hated dealing with people calling and asking about my dad's funeral, but with no Death Notice in the paper what is one to do?!
The main reason I ask this is because last year I fell out with someone over not attending their mother's funeral. I barely knew the woman and my 'friend' was someone who as soon as Michael lost his job and we were no longer living in a large detached village home where we could entertain her youngest while she was working late, dropped me like a hot rock. I sent my condolences by card and figured that was enough. Apparently not. I don't want to make the same mistake again.
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Post by willien on Nov 2, 2024 10:35:12 GMT
This is probably a sign that I'm getting old, but I'm very confused about this. Back in the day if someone died, there'd be a notice in the local paper with funeral arrangements. Everyone scanned the hatches/matches/dispatches section of the paper before retreating to the sport or the puzzles depending on preference. I don't think people do this much any more. In our local paper there are currently three death notices for the last month and I know for a fact that there are at the very least, two more deaths than that because I'm trying to find find out the funeral arrangements. I don't know either of the people terribly well, but one was an unmarried, childless, parentless student at the college where I work. I wouldn't know where to start finding out the details for her funeral but we are all agreed that as she was one of the first students to attend the college when it opened in Helensburgh and was still enrolled on a course with us now, we should send a representative. As to where and when...?! The second is if anything even trickier. A friend's father has died. She's not a close friend, although once I thought she was. But we've kept in touch and every so often do that 'Oh we must get a catch up and a coffee sometime' thing that we both know we have no intention of doing. Or if we have intention, we are realistic enough to understand that it probably won't happen. But none of the circle of friends she is close to has lost a parent yet and I remember how lonely that felt and want to show her some support. I hated dealing with people calling and asking about my dad's funeral, but with no Death Notice in the paper what is one to do?! The main reason I ask this is because last year I fell out with someone over not attending their mother's funeral. I barely knew the woman and my 'friend' was someone who as soon as Michael lost his job and we were no longer living in a large detached village home where we could entertain her youngest while she was working late, dropped me like a hot rock. I sent my condolences by card and figured that was enough. Apparently not. I don't want to make the same mistake again. When you were bereaved would you have wanted to put on a polite face for people you would not otherwise have been in touch with? Just because one person threw a strop does not mean that everyone is the same.
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Post by mick on Nov 2, 2024 10:46:05 GMT
Can't answer.
A close friend recently died, and I was asked to speak at the funeral. During that conversation, I was told where and when. AFAIK there were no notices at all - all done by word of mouth. Nevertheless, about 150 turned up.
A side effect was that no one had any idea of the likely attendance, and so the caterers were woefully ill prepared when everyone arrived.
Mick
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Post by spinno on Nov 2, 2024 11:02:29 GMT
It's how it's done...
Two years ago my ex brother-in-law died...he worked on taxis and was a great family man...at his cremation they were standing five deep outside the crematorium, all done by word of mouth and Facebook
Earlier this year my niece's father-in-law died, again word of mouth/ social media ensured a full house plus.
My ex-wife died last year but she lived on the Isle of Wight, a few family members went, but it was streamed (I watched it) so that's another way of being there.
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Post by dreampolice on Nov 2, 2024 11:09:01 GMT
I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. He was an old work colleague of mine (from when I was in the force and we also worked together in retirement). I found out through word of mouth when he died and subsequently his funeral details.
As to funeral etiquette, I and most folk wore a suit and black tie. Unless a request is made by family or indeed the deceased, I feel that that is what you should wear. Failing that, at least something smart (as not everyone owns a suit). Perhaps I am old fashioned. There were some people (young and old) not dressed particularly smart. One guy, who I used to work with, and will be in his mid to late 60's I guess, turned up with a full length leather coat, big high goth type boots, black skinny trousers, and no shirt. You could see his sunbed bronzed chest with a pendant showing under his coat. He wore a big leather hat, under which he wore a black headscarf. He looked like someone from the band The Cult or The Sisters of Mercy. Some people also said he looked a twat.
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Post by Kath on Nov 2, 2024 11:19:03 GMT
This is probably a sign that I'm getting old, but I'm very confused about this. Back in the day if someone died, there'd be a notice in the local paper with funeral arrangements. Everyone scanned the hatches/matches/dispatches section of the paper before retreating to the sport or the puzzles depending on preference. I don't think people do this much any more. In our local paper there are currently three death notices for the last month and I know for a fact that there are at the very least, two more deaths than that because I'm trying to find find out the funeral arrangements. I don't know either of the people terribly well, but one was an unmarried, childless, parentless student at the college where I work. I wouldn't know where to start finding out the details for her funeral but we are all agreed that as she was one of the first students to attend the college when it opened in Helensburgh and was still enrolled on a course with us now, we should send a representative. As to where and when...?! The second is if anything even trickier. A friend's father has died. She's not a close friend, although once I thought she was. But we've kept in touch and every so often do that 'Oh we must get a catch up and a coffee sometime' thing that we both know we have no intention of doing. Or if we have intention, we are realistic enough to understand that it probably won't happen. But none of the circle of friends she is close to has lost a parent yet and I remember how lonely that felt and want to show her some support. I hated dealing with people calling and asking about my dad's funeral, but with no Death Notice in the paper what is one to do?! The main reason I ask this is because last year I fell out with someone over not attending their mother's funeral. I barely knew the woman and my 'friend' was someone who as soon as Michael lost his job and we were no longer living in a large detached village home where we could entertain her youngest while she was working late, dropped me like a hot rock. I sent my condolences by card and figured that was enough. Apparently not. I don't want to make the same mistake again. When you were bereaved would you have wanted to put on a polite face for people you would not otherwise have been in touch with? Just because one person threw a strop does not mean that everyone is the same.
No. But that still doesn't help with my student! |
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Post by Kath on Nov 2, 2024 11:32:45 GMT
I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago. He was an old work colleague of mine (from when I was in the force and we also worked together in retirement). I found out through word of mouth when he died and subsequently his funeral details. As to funeral etiquette, I and most folk wore a suit and black tie. Unless a request is made by family or indeed the deceased, I feel that that is what you should wear. Failing that, at least something smart (as not everyone owns a suit). Perhaps I am old fashioned. There were some people (young and old) not dressed particularly smart. One guy, who I used to work with, and will be in his mid to late 60's I guess, turned up with a full length leather coat, big high goth type boots, black skinny trousers, and no shirt. You could see his sunbed bronzed chest with a pendant showing under his coat. He wore a big leather hat, under which he wore a black headscarf. He looked like someone from the band The Cult or The Sisters of Mercy. Some people also said he looked a twat. Most (not all, but most) of the funerals I've been to in the last five years, there has been a request not to wear black, but to wear bright colours and remember the happy times. Few people took it on board and most felt most comfortable I think in black for fear of causing offence to someone or other. I have plenty of black to choose from so not an issue although I do lack a black coat that isn't a mud-spattered anorak these days. Mu current winter coat is apple green - really not suitable at all! I'll just have to layer up black knitwear. For the record, my own funeral plans are for a direct funeral with no service, ashes scattered of the end of the pier in Helensburgh with everyone to wear at least something red even if it's just your undies. Fish and chips to be eaten on the shore outside my flat. All welcome. I mean I'm hoping it won't be for a while and it's not the event I really want because apparently being sent off via a burning boat on the Clyde with tannoys playing Arthur Brown's Fire isn't 'realistic'! Spoilsports. |
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Post by collieslave on Nov 2, 2024 11:44:10 GMT
On the subject of funerals, why do people so often clap as the hearse passes, or even in the church/chapel? Is it because they are glad the deceased is dead and gone??
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Post by zou on Nov 2, 2024 11:54:48 GMT
On the subject of funerals, why do people so often clap as the hearse passes, or even in the church/chapel? Is it because they are glad the deceased is dead and gone?? It's usually a mark of respect. Whereas in the UK there's usually a minute's silence at public events to mark the passing of a significant person, in other cultures there's often a minute's applause. |
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Post by willien on Nov 2, 2024 11:56:57 GMT
Re student. Ask class mates and teachers what and who they know?
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Post by kate on Nov 2, 2024 12:07:48 GMT
Over here
The funeral director gets notices printed with the details of the death and the funeral arrangements. Ironically I used to see these in the butcher's window in town, but now see them on the notice board in the Co-op. Most notices are posted in the local Gazette, but that's too late for funerals so is simply bring it to the notice of those in other places. There is a place on Facebook but I never seem to find it. Usually have to ask my neighbour to point me in the right direction. I must say I thought Roddy's funeral arrangement was ideal.We all went to the cemetery where someone gave a short address, we sang a hymn (to a tune used here and not one I'm familiar with), then he was buried, we all paid respects to his widow and went home.
As for myself? For convention's sake the same as Roddy had would be enough. I certainly won't be caring!
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Post by steveandthedogs on Nov 2, 2024 12:08:37 GMT
Ask the staff where she died [if that is what happened]. They may know which undertaker, then you could ask them.
I wanted to be laid out on a platform on a large pole in the wood, but Bonnie says I would drip on people. Wonder if I could just be left in a comfy chair then?
As for wearing black, the first funeral I went to where it was "happy clothes", I turned up on the bike in my [black] leathers.
S
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Post by steveandthedogs on Nov 2, 2024 12:09:40 GMT
On the subject of funerals, why do people so often clap as the hearse passes, or even in the church/chapel? Is it because they are glad the deceased is dead and gone?? It's usually a mark of respect. Whereas in the UK there's usually a minute's silence at public events to mark the passing of a significant person, in other cultures there's often a minute's applause. I clapped when they buried Thatcher...
S
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Post by kate on Nov 2, 2024 12:22:58 GMT
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Post by Kath on Nov 2, 2024 15:33:53 GMT
Ask the staff where she died [if that is what happened]. They may know which undertaker, then you could ask them. S She died at home I think, which was nextdoor-but-one to the college but as I said, I don't believe she had any family left. I've found a bloke who may know someone who may know someone so I've started by asking him. WE'll see. |
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